I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
