Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize