3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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