After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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