The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just google imaged poop.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
