o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
