I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
