I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
