the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize