the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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