You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
