she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
