i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
