hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
