I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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