you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
