After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We had sex on a dog bed..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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