U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
