I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
