your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
