Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
