I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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