Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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