this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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