We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
