Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
