OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize