Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
