I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
