I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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