Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
