Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
