you have to choose: penises or morals?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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