just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I supernannyed him into submission
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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