Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
