One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I need a burrito and a hug.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
