I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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