there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
