Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
