Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
