I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize