My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And then my night got REAL pukey
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
