I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
