He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Houston, we have a squirter
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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