While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
