I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
