If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
