There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
