I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Come see our sink grown plant.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
