Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
