I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
tell me about the eggs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
