she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
being pregnant is like rehab
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
