I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
