Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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