I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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