1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
