Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
