For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
