I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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