she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
