bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
