just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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