She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
