I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
