They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
