I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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