Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
