Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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