he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
