Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
