we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She bit a glass in half.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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