I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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